One day everything is fine, you feel great, it's sunny, even if it's raining it's sunny. Life at home is wonderful, your social life is perfect, there is nothing you want nor anything you need to be any happier and fulfilled as you are in that moment
Then suddenly , Bamn, you are ill, not a cold, not the flu, not a sprained ankle ill, but an all out war , your sick , badly sick. With an long or never ending condition,that wipes you out physically and eventually gets to you emotionally.
Speaking from only my experience I have come to travel through that very dark tunnel , trying desperately to reach the other side where there is an opening back into your life,
I'm Cathie and at 51 I was diagnosed with Hep C, Its sad that I have to add in, no I was not an intervenes drug user , I hate the stigma and I believe in being open about what I am going through, but there are those certain souls, that have a way of hurting your feeling, deeply if your anything like me I feel very deeply and I at times think its more of a hindrance for my soul rather than a good aspect, but none the less I have Hep C it kills, literally and it hurts while your waiting for treatment
Now, speaking for myself and for others, when one is sick support from others is very important, just a quick thinking about you is very welcome, buy a card, mail a small gift , most times when I'm as well as others are feeling the deep darkeness of pain and hurt, going on line, checking email and espeially taking calls is very hard for most of us, it's not that we don't appreciate it, but when something is chronically wrong your bad moments out weigh your good moments.
Many of you have read this before but comments could drive a sick person crazy, such as "you don't look sick" ,"Try a little mind over matter": Get up, work out, get your endorphins going?" Feel Better"
Don't for a moment think we done want to feel better, that we prefer staying in bed or on the couch in pain, we don't.
We dream of the moment when suddenly we are back to our old selves, no more pain. nor more fear, some times you just cant feel positive, we are so deep in a tunnel that we have to truly accept whaere we are and what we can do before you can feel a bit of positivity,
Being ill like this is comparable to the death of some one we love. We died, our body died, we are stuck in a body that does not want to function, but our brains and heart and soul are still in tack , still inside of us, it's almost like being caught in a trap. We have to go through the five stages of grief, until we can accept what has happened, and go on the very best we can, or we get well and are we no longer ill .
Life becomes difficult when it changes so suddenly and when the change involves, pain, sleepless nights, Doctor after Doctor and the days seem hard to manage. The difficulty not only affects us but for those in our lives as well, We have to remember those in our lives have grown accustomed to how we were before illness, and then after illness when all changes and responsibilities are moved from one to the other, that too plays a factor in our daily life and can add to depression. Let's face it, not all are cut out to be caretakers, or can not afford to be.
I truly have no advice to offer, I'm not going to tell you go out, get your hair done, go to they gym, have dinner and a movie, see a concert, take a trip. etc. . . . Because if your like me, your not goig to want to hear it, we all have to journy on this road any way we can.
I will tell you that if you are thinking about ending your life, Please Please Please Get help,reach out to any one and talk to them, I'd love to say there is a light at the end of the tunnel for us all, in reality we are each moving towards our own light.
Also, we have to be prepared that once we recover life as we knew it will not be the same, we may be left with certain afflictions that we did not have before. There is where we must accept too, that we are where we are, and no amount of recoiling is ever going to brings us back to the same health.
Then there is the strong possibility life will go back to how you knew it, and you'll be on the sunny side of the street once again, but in all reality you have changed, grown and now have empathy for others who may be experiencing the same illness as you did.
Be well, find peace, love all the time, there is nothing more that I can add aside from, I'll be rooting for you to get out of your dark tunnle as quickly as possible,
Peace Out.
